Mousewitz
Disneyland. That word brings to mind fun. Fun Fun Fun. Lots of fun! After all, it’s the home of Mickey Mouse and all his delightful little friends. Everyone knows and loves these cute little characters that live in a fun place and provide visitors with wonderful entertainment. Going to Disneyland is the vacation all kids dream of…a world of make believe and magic that enlivens the heart, soul and mind. It’s the Magic Kingdom!
I didn’t get to go to Disneyland as a kid and neither did my kids. I guess we were deprived and probably grew up maladjusted because of it. So, when Joseph was hired for a summer internship in Los Angeles I had my hand up first and high to go with him and help settle him in. I was excited to go to Disneyland and so was he. We talked about it with high anticipation for months.
On our first day in Los Angeles we jumped on the freeway for the hour or so long drive to Disneyland with high expectations of a fun and enjoyable day. The first indication that things might not be as fun as we thought was the traffic on the freeway. It was definitely not fun! The 5-6 lanes on each side are narrow and all the cars and trucks were going pell-mell down the freeway at 80mph. I was terrified and sure we would die before we got to have any fun at Disneyland!
The next indication that this might not be quite as much fun as had hoped was the very long lines of cars we saw as we turned into the parking area. We waited in that first of many lines for about 20 minutes to pay the $12 to park. The next line was waiting for a train to take us to the ticket booth to buy the ticket into the park….about 10 minutes. Next was the security line where they checked out our backpack to confiscate our contraband sandwich we stashed to stave off hunger and avoid having to buy their $4 bottle of water and $10 turkey sandwiches .…10 minutes.
Next was the ticket booth line. It was very long and we waited for about an hour in it. Those tickets cost $94 each. Ouch! For that price Disneyland must surely be really really fun!
The next line was at the gate to get in. It went fairly quickly…maybe 5 minutes…so finally we were in the park and the fun could begin… just as soon as we stopped being aggravated by the lines we had just stood in and smarting over the high price of the tickets. That took about 20 minutes. So we strolled along Main Street looking for the fun to begin, which we were sure would happen soon, but first we had to stand in another line for our first ride of the day.
So, after thirty minutes in that line we were finally on our first ride, a nice sized roller coaster with lots of dips and rolls and speed. I really didn’t want to go on it. I don’t do roller coasters. I throw up. Always have. What was I thinking getting on this thing? I had thirty minutes trapped in line to think of a way to escape but didn’t find one. The only thing those thirty minutes did was work up my anxiety level to a 10. I came to Disneyland to have fun. This wasn’t fun. I did not want to go! But I couldn’t leave Joseph to go on it alone while I stood outside like an old wimpy woman so I bucked up and went. I wouldn’t say I was totally miserable but it was close. The best part of the ride was knowing I did it and now it was over and I would never have to do it again. As I looked at all the other “old” people like myself who went on that ride I couldn’t help but wonder if they were nuts or what for getting on it. The disclaimer they post before you get on is enough to make a sane person back off and run away. The sign says don’t go if you have problems with your heart, back, neck, dizziness, are old, or if you just really want to live another day. I am pretty sure I fit in each and every one of those categories.
Anyway I can proudly say I survived the roller coaster but it was just the first of many more scary rides I went on that day. I hated all of them (except the tamest which was Indiana Jones where the scariest thing is a fake cobweb in the face). The worst was the one called “Space Mountain”. It is a fast and jerky roller coaster ride in the dark with LOUD sounds and BRIGHT lights blasting and assaulting your senses. I HATED it. It was horrible. I wasn’t alone this time. Joseph hated it too. It scared us both and we wanted to go home. So we did. That was it for us. Disneyland…bah. We had spent the day waiting in long lines only to be subjected to almost certain death. Not fun! Disneyland to us could be called “Mousewitz”. You know…like Auschwitz in Poland, home of the death camps. Yep, it’s definitely Mousewitz…the place where they try to kill old people like me, either by scaring them to death on the rides; or making them walk around all day in the heat only to have to stand in long boring lines on tired legs; or by starving them to death because they can’t afford the food there.
As we drove around Los Angeles over the next five days it also occurred to me that I got the same terrifying feeling and sick knot in my stomach as we drove the freeways that I got on the roller coasters at Disneyland. Next time I want to be scared out of my mind without standing in line to pay $94 for the privilege I’ll just get on the freeway there.
